So tomorrow marks one week without meat. I’m pretty happy so far. I feel normal and functional and alive. Every time I tell people at school they say, “you need meat”, and I’m just like.. Well… Not really. Hopefully I can keep this up. Preparing my meals has been difficult for me, but I’m getting better at it. Life is good, food is good, God is good.
I feel so corrupted and misguided right now. I feel like I need to detox and revisit the virtues of solitude. I want to feel pure and immaculate instead of tainted.
Life is good sometimes.
SO I am extremely tired,but I want to write out my thoughts. I just finished cleaning the bathroom and I feel relieved that I finally did (it was stressing me out for some reason). I feel almost as relieved as when I found out that I made homecoming court with my best friend. I was so surprised that I almost couldn’t believe it. Honestly it was practically surreal. Also, tomorrow is my first uniform wear for the year and I feel excited? is this normal? no? ok. It just means the year is about to get a lot more interesting. I still need to finish my homework, dress my uniform and shine my shoes, and finally make my team roster for my meeting tomorrow. hmm. oh yeah! gotta make my lunch for tomorrow, that too. After school I have my homecoming court meeting and a Color Guard thanngg tomorrow and then the season finale of Awkward. tomorrow should be a good day. Let’s hope I am not wrong.
Although the first couple of days of school were difficult, I’m finally getting into a routine. To complete this week, on Friday my dear friend Kennisa slept over my house and we watched videos the whole evening and gave each other facials. Then on Saturday I woke up at 5:20 to arrive at school at 6 for a JROTC event. I was in charge of a flight along with 9 other cadets. At the end of the event I won the title of best Flight cadre as deemed by the instructors in my unit. I got home at 4 and I just slept. When I woke up later on I realized that my mother cleaned my room and my laundry which was the luckiest thing that could have happened to me. Anyways today, Sunday, I woke up early and began my first day as a hospital volunteer. It wasn’t very hectic, but it will take me some time to get used to it. Now I’m doing homework for school. I’m guessing this is what my schedule will look like for the rest of the year with some twists here and there.
Getting back into the routine of school is difficult for many reasons
1. I was so complacent and comfortable with being alone during the summer that when I saw large groups of people with friends I was overwhelmed with the feeling of loneliness
2. I don’t fit in anywhere so I just wander and search for places where I can consistently stay and feel happy. Thus far the search is non conclusive.
3. I have a hard time concentrating… so doing my homework is proving a challenge, but I will finish it regardless of anything
4. I’m realizing many things about myself and other people which I do not want to realize
5. Although my body is responding well to waking up before the crack of dawn I am still feeling fatigued
6. It is becoming obvious how much of a loser I am as well as how unhappy I am.
Just as the girl placed her head on her pillow and her mind drifted to a distant dream killer cramps attacked her defenseless body.
I ate a lot of unhealthy food today and I feel gross. This is not good.
Today was a really long day. I feel horrible and like such a loser. I am just going to cry myself to sleep.